Our workplace can sometimes be a frustrating and even annoying place to be. What is the best cure against it? Having a person who will share all workplace frustrations, failures, triumphs, and fun with us. We can call this person in a myriad of ways: a trusted colleague, a work buddy, a work bestie, or just a favourite colleague. But one name sparks particular interest among the public — a work spouse.
The term has been in hot discussion because it puts a romantic label on workplace friendships. In a time when we’re trying to desexualise the workplace and everything connected with it, using such terms may seem irrelevant. Others need to read deeper into its significance. They see it as a small thing that helps them brighten up grey everyday life at work instead. So, where is the truth? We try to get to it in this article.
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Of course, when it comes to work spouses, they are typically colleagues of the opposite sex; however, they can be any gender these people are attracted to. They have a close emotional bond, share ups and downs at work, and address challenges together – basically, like people in a marriage. The difference is that work spouses don’t share any romantic interest (or so the thinking goes).
Two communication specialists, M. Chad McBride and Karla Mason Bergen, prove this point in their research on communication studies. According to it, a working wife or work husband is a colleague with whom we have a ‘special, platonic friendship characterised by a close emotional bond, high levels of disclosure and support, and mutual trust, honesty, loyalty, and respect.’ Again, the definition doesn’t imply any physical attraction or contact; it just describes a so-called go-to person who understands and supports you as nobody else regarding your work-related issues.
From the other point of view, why would we apply the terms ‘husband’ or ‘wife’, which do imply sex, romance, and intimacy, to people whom we consider just friends? No wonder some people tend to argue that having a work spouse is a form of emotional cheating. When you have an actual spouse at home, your life partner, to whom you vowed to celebrate successes and mourn losses together, why do you need one more pseudo-spouse at work?
In fact, labels we choose to put on something or somebody are often more than ‘just’ words. They tend to be self-fulfilling. The study of teachers and students perfectly proves this idea: as a part of the experiment, teachers labelled some students as smart and expected them to do well. And those students did. This is how the labelling effect works in practice.
All this information is just food for thought. We’re not taking sides or jumping to conclusions. However, reflecting upon your reasons for referring to your favourite co-worker as ‘work wife’ or ‘work husband’ may be a good idea.
For single people, being in a work marriage makes much more sense than for those in committed relationships. Single people often crave emotional intimacy and external sources of emotional support. A work spouse is precisely what could fulfil this need.
You may already have a close relationship with one of your colleagues. Our checklist will help you determine whether your work buddy is eligible to get the work spouse title!
You interact with this person every single day, but hours spent together feel like minutes. You can’t imagine your office life without sharing lunch breaks with them. And if you are in different departments, you always find a way to see each other and spend some quality time together.
Not only do you guys share work-related updates, but you also share personal things. Both of you know that everything you share will remain confidential. They are the first person you tell about yesterday’s disastrous date. They rely on your experience when seeking advice on the relationship with their real romantic partner.
This co-worker is the first person you will seek help or assistance from, knowing that they will drop no judgment bombs on you. At the same time, constructive criticism is highly welcome between you, too, firstly, because it is presented with respect. Secondly, I want to say that both of you care about each other’s professional success.
Both of you understand that disagreement is an integral part of all relationships. You don’t take it as an offence but an opportunity to broaden your horizons and find the missing puzzle pieces. Being able to listen and hear your office wife or office husband is a surefire sign of a close bond and strong friendship between you two.
The close platonic relationship that work friends offer each other serves as a first-aid kit in emergency situations. You don’t need to wait until the end of your working day to share your grievances and challenging times with your actual partner – your work spouse is always there for you. Having somebody who will help you process your emotions by your side may result in an enhanced decision-making process and better work outcomes.
One bright head is good, but two smart heads are better! Your tandem makes a real productivity machine because you complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses, brainstorm ideas promptly, and keep each other updated all the time. Furthermore, lots of fun that come along with your collaboration contributes to creating a positive and motivating environment, thus fueling the creativity and enthusiasm of other people working with you.
The better your work results, the higher your job satisfaction gets. The more fun you have in the office, the higher your job satisfaction increases. Finally, the more secure and confident you feel at work, the higher… you know. This all becomes real thanks to your office buddy.
A straight woman having platonic relationships with a straight man, especially if one or both of them have a real marriage with other people, immediately sparks speculation and gossip. Sometimes, due to the stereotype that people of the opposite gender are not able to be close friends, somebody must be secretly in love or sexually attracted. Sometimes, because other people have boring lives and are prone to creating sensations out of thin air. It’s better to be prepared.
Getting too involved in your work friendships may well result in an unbalanced dynamic in your relationships at home. Work takes one-third of our day, of course, and there is always lots going on and something to discuss. However, it’s important to appropriately manage boundaries in your work life and not let your work friendships come at the expense of the time when you are supposed to be available for your family.
Committing to friendship with your work buddy is essential. However, they should be one of many sources of fulfilment. Initiate communication with other colleagues, too: invite them for coffee, offer help, or ask for it if needed. It’s a good idea to have more than just one and only one meaningful friendship at work. We also recommend focusing less attention on your work spouse while communicating with others – it may create an impression that there is no room for other friendships or relationships.
Having work wives and work husbands may have implications for your personal and professional life. To prevent those, there are some ideas on how to manage the office marriage so that it doesn’t affect any of your life spheres.
