The idea of having kids has never been as highly questionable as it is now. It used to be an indispensable part and even responsibility of every person to give birth to at least one child or and therefore continue the genus. People would unconditionally stick to this idea that it turned into a social construct. Those who don’t have children for some reason have been stigmatized and turned into black sheep of society. It’s no surprise that the issue of having kids has reached its peak and is currently experiencing a turning point. From the extreme that implied the necessity of having children, it’s shifted to the extreme of not having them at all.

Gen Z representatives as well as Millennials are getting more and more reluctant about having kids due to numerous reasons. They’d rather take a pass at all. So, who is right and who’s wrong here? What to take into account before taking almost the biggest decision in your life? Is parenthood really as scary and stressful as they say or is it actually fun? Of course, there is no one-size-fits-all answer. However, to get closer to the truth, keep on reading our article as it may help you find the answers and make the right decision personally for yourself.

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What is “child-free” and the essence of a “child-free life”

If a person has made a conscious choice not to have kids, they’re called child-free. The thing is that at some point, people started concentrating on society’s expectations so much that they lost track of their own needs and desires. Many women had to go through terrible anxiety and even depression because of the “biological clock ticking” or age comments. By fully devoting themselves to the baby and their family, they would just lose their personalities. In pursuit of becoming a good mom, they’d put themselves on the back burner and lose the taste of life. And the worst thing is that nobody ever even asked them if they wanted children. For real, not because somebody expected them to. So this is what being child-free is about – asking yourself, giving sincere answers to yourself, and being strong enough to acknowledge that having kids is not what you want. And allowing yourself to have the life you want for yourself, whether with children or without them.

Overview of the reasons for and against having a baby

There is a huge array of reasons why a person opts for volunteer childlessness. Among the most recent ones are the climate crisis anxiety, the world’s instability, or just opposing social pressure and gender stereotypes. The latter refers to women who are “normally” expected to give birth to a child and provide maternal care for them. However, it’s not only women who may choose to have a childfree life; men, transgender, and non-binary individuals are free to become child-free as well. It’s not even the gender issue, but the issue of freedom and choice. However, the very first step a person should take is to consider three extremely important factors that form the basis of responsible parenting. We believe it makes absolutely no sense to define the pros and cons of having a child if these three fundamental requirements aren’t met.

Considerations before making the decision to have a child

A strong desire to have a child is not enough. To be able to handle parenting, one has to consider three crucial factors first. These are factors that can prove that you’re able to provide a safe and secure life for a little human. Let’s have a closer look at them.

Financial Stability. Nobody argues that money can’t buy happiness, but it does buy a lot of other necessary things. Would you like your kid to eat healthily? Would you like your kid to live in nice and warm accommodation? Do you remember about pocket money? Is it a good idea to expose a little human to stress and constant struggle while trying to make ends meet? It’s an unspoken truth, but financial issues do provoke conflicts and domestic wars. It is one of the main reasons why people decide to divorce and kids have a bad childhood. Should a kid go through all these with their unformed psyche? We believe it would be extremely responsible to first ensure that you can afford to have a kid. And no, we don’t think it sounds arrogant as it’s all about the child’s well-being and a favorable environment to grow up in.
Health Factors. Besides lots of happiness and joy, having a kid is a mountain of work, physical work especially. A person has to be sure they’re physically ready to handle all the duties parenthood brings in. You have to carry a child a lot when they’re little. You have to be ready to provide physical help in case of an injury. Also, if one has a chronic disease, they have to consider it too and find out how it can influence the child. Some people are convinced that their children are the only ones who are obliged to keep an eye on them if they get sick or can’t maintain their normal lifestyle anymore. It may even be the reason people go for children – have somebody who will give you a glass of water in old age. We don’t think it’s completely fair. No doubt, we have to care about our family members, but it shouldn’t turn into an obligation or a cross to bear.
Personal Goals and Responsibilities. You’ve always dreamed of reaching career heights or building your own business. It takes tons of energy and time. Going for a baby will either compel you to quit your job or take a long parental leave or will make you try to kill two birds with one stone. Not only is the latter super challenging but it is also fraught with failure. Some people do manage to combine both but if their life goes the way they want? What levels of stress are they exposed to daily? If you eventually prefer kids to your career dreams, won’t you ever regret it? These are very important questions to answer when choosing between your personal goals and having kids.

Pros and Cons of having a baby

Having managed to figure out if you’re financially, physically, and psychologically ready to have children, let’s define all pros and cons that being a parent implies. As with any other issue, parenthood has its benefits and drawbacks. And it’s perfectly fine if you’re still on the fence and seek help. Seeing our list of arguments for and against will not only simplify the decision-making process for you but might also help you come up with your own ones.

Pros: The joys of parenting

Of course, we’ll start with the bright side. Having done a bit of research among the parents we know, we’ve made a list of the most frequently mentioned things.

Strive for being a better person. It’s a well-known fact that a little person learns from their parent’s behavior first and foremost. So if before parenting we were responsible only for our behavior, after having a kid, we’re getting responsible for both. If you swear, your kid is highly likely to pick up those words too. If dad demonstrates an impolite and disrespectful attitude to mom, sons can copy that behavior too. If a mother acts like a victim, doesn’t know her self-worth, and sacrifices her own life for the sake of the family and kids, girls may soak up and implement such behavior in their future relationships. And it’s very often that parents do it unintentionally. But being an adult, it’s learning to acknowledge and improve our mistakes. By trying to avoid all the negative behaviors for the sake of our kids, we also make ourselves better.
Never-ending fun and entertainment. Besides the fact that kids create loads of fun themselves by asking goofy questions, distorting words, and inventing their own games, they also ask for fun. Being adults, people tend to forget what the real joys of life are. Work and household chores oftentimes take over our minds and we leave out any possibility of having fun. When you have kids it’s literally a crime not to have a good time all together. Kids are those who daily remind us of what the main aim of life is – enjoyment. Would you go to Disney World if you didn’t have kids? Highly unlikely. Would you go sled riding if your kiddo didn’t ask you to? Would you dive into the sea of plastic balls or go on a roller coaster ride? And many many more things we’d never think of doing as adults, however, genuinely enjoy doing with our kids.
Imagination and creativity booster. Joking apart, creativity and imagination are extremely valuable assets at any age and for many occupations. These are the skills that make our life more colorful, fulfilling, and exciting. Sometimes, people are lucky to turn their creative hobby into a business. Who else would induce us to do arts and crafts except for children? Besides valuable time spent together, you get an imagination and creativity boost as a bonus! Thinking about ideas of birthday parties or nontrivial family celebrations is another type of amusement and joy. Dressing up as Grinch, stealing Christmas presents, and making your kids literally freak out? Priceless!
The reason to never give in. Parenting is a tough task from time to time. A kid might have health issues, both physical and mental, and parents are the ones who are in charge. Teens almost always go through a rough patch and parents have to deal with it as well. But it’s such a blessing to see your offspring overcome all the hardships and become a kind, giving, and decent person! The result speaks for itself – happy children are the biggest happiness for their parents. Keeping that in mind will always help you collect yourself and keep on going on even when you’re struggling with something in your life.

Cons: Challenges with Parenthood

Challenges of parenthood can be divided into two groups. The first one would include the challenges a woman faces during the post-partum period. The second group would comprise the hardships parents may be going through while raising children. We’ll start with the first one.

So, what a woman has to handle shortly after giving birth to an infant:

Adapting to a sleep/feed schedule;
Breastfeeding may include latching-on, cracked nipples, and mastitis;
Recovery from the delivery;
Combining a household with your own and your infant’s needs;
Fear and anxiety that you can’t understand the infant’s needs;
Unsolicited advice and participation of family and friends;
Changes in your personal world – work role and status, free time reduction, sense of freedom, seeing your friends, etc;
Another stage of the relationship with your partner, negotiating your roles and participation;
Physical intimacy with your partner changes.

Talking about the other group, the list is also pretty convincing to choose to remain childless.

Lack of time and imbalanced life. As we’ve mentioned, work often steals the biggest part of our time. When we come back home from work, household chores are waiting for us. Completely exhausted we dream of crawling to our bed and having a good sleep to be able to continue these rat races tomorrow. However, kids are also living creatures, they are personalities with feelings. Being always tired and abandoning them, or giving them poor quality time will highly likely end up having mental issues. This is the dilemma most people have no clue how to deal with. Balancing your work, household, and family in such a way that everybody is happy (including parents), and nobody is starving because of a lack of finances.
One has to learn to be a parent. Maternal instinct works wonders, however, bringing up goes far beyond it. To avoid failure when teaching their kids fundamental moral values, parents have to be knowledgeable about how to raise children first. Showing aggression, domination, and requiring respect based on fear and obedience will hardly contribute to your relationship with a kid. On the contrary, it’s bound to lead to a lack of trust, reticence, or rebellious behaviors inside or outside the family. It’s never children to blame for who they are or have become. Their behavior is always rooted in their childhood and psychological traumas they might have gotten for some reason. To prevent such negative outcomes, parents do have to find time to learn how to build intimacy and connection with their children; how to talk to them, and how to give advice without putting pressure. But looking at the first challenge on our list, it’s obvious why many parents skip this and then have to deal with the aftermath of their poor upbringing.
Gadgets and abuse protection. Such devices as cell phones, tablets, laptops, and PlayStation have become an integral part of children’s and teenagers’ lives. We may hardly think that we have the right to deprive them of using those – they are a part of the new generation and will remain as such forever. Taking those away would mean stealing the opportunity to keep up with the times. However, we shouldn’t let our kids turn the gadgets into the of their universe. This is the main mission of every parent – explaining how to use modern devices properly but not prohibiting them completely. Prohibition encourages interest and a stronger desire to break it. Furthermore, parents are obliged to teach their children how to use social media safely as the number of abuse cases online is tremendous. An unstable psyche may not handle hater comments, as well as teenagers who seek validation may well become victims of Internet abusers. Our kids’ safety is the priority.

Conclusion

So, we hope we succeeded to cover the subject as fully as possible. Now, when you are aware of what parenting may look like, you’re ready to make the final decision. And don’t be afraid to admit that you don’t really want children. It’s the decision that can turn your marriage and whole life upside down. The answer that you come up with should be based on your real desires, goals, and expectations from life. Child-free life is not considered to be a stigma in our society anymore. It’s a sign of courage and honesty toward yourself. Don’t be afraid to choose and love yourself first and then the rest of the world.